Sunday, April 17, 2011

Grace, Love, and Other Stuff...

I am a big believer in grace.  I realize how much grace has been shown to me in my life...from God, from my Mama, from my siblings, from my kids, and from my friends.  I think grace is the most amazing, incomprehensible concept.  Grace is giving forgiveness over and over, and showing love to those who don't really deserve it.  My problem is that I see a glimmer of hope when I extend grace to people who are constantly hurting me.  I show forgiveness time and time again.  I try to commit acts of kindness, knowing they are not going to be returned.  I try to be as selfless as I know how.

I cannot stand having those in my life who do not like me.  These people say they "love" me, but I just don't believe it.  I often wonder if people really know what love is?  I think it is a term that is thrown around loosely.  That is why I reserve saying "I love you" to everyone everyday.

Most of these people in my life who hurt me over and over again are the first to say "I love you".  Really?  You love me, but you're still all about self?  You love me, but you talk trash about me?  You love me, but you go out of your way to ignore me?  Really, do you know what love is?

I know I don't do it all right.  I know I screw up on a daily basis.  But, when I am aware of my mistakes, I am the first person to admit it, ask forgiveness, and try to fix whatever I've broken.  I always share my struggles with others in order for them to realize that I know I'm messed up.   It is my goal to be sincere and transparent in all I do.  It is my greater goal to live a life that encourages others and does not bring them down.

However, there are those in my life who I try to protect myself from.  They have hurt me in the past or are still hurting me.  They have never confessed to me what they've done wrong, although I've owned up to what I've done wrong.  Yet, no matter how much they hurt me, I can't help but being sucked back in.  I see a tiny sparkle of hope, of acceptance, and I jump right back in with both feet.

What I have been learning, and what I am striving to accomplish, is to invest my life into the lives of those who care about me and my family.  Not just those who throw empty words around, but those who actually put as much time into knowing what's going on with me as I do in staying in touch with them.  As I've said before, words without actions mean nothing.  I've got to try to remember to show grace and love to everyone, even those who abuse my relationship with them...but, I have to remember to show that grace and love within boundaries that keep me from being a doormat.

While there are those who are constantly trying to bring me down by whatever tactic they choose, I am extremely blessed to have sweet friends who are constant.  They love me no matter what.  They are honest.  They care about my children.  They care about the state of my marriage.  They care about my health.  They offer to help when I am overwhelmed.  They ALWAYS love me, in spite of my screw ups.  They forgive me when I ask, and when I don't.  I have learned that I don't need everyone who I come in contact with to accept me.  I have WONDERFUL people who encourage me daily, who laugh with me, who cry with me, and who know the meaning of true love.  Thank you, my AMAZING know who you are!

1 comment:

  1. You are such a gifted person with an amazingly generous heart and compassion for others. Those who cannot embrace that love from you and treat you with the same love...they are simply missing out. It's thier loss..and a tremendous loss at that. We are so very blessed to have you in our lives...blessed indeed. You make our hearts sing! Love you, Dad & Mom