Saturday, April 4, 2015

Let Us Love One Another...

(As stated before-I do not condone or encourage divorce.  Anything I write is simply from my experience, plain and simple.)
There are a couple of things that have presented themselves as silver linings to me in my post-divorce life.  The absolute best thing is the incredible relationship between my children.  I was blessed to be the eldest of four kiddos, and I remember "getting along" with my brothers and sister and having a childhood full of great memories.  But, I don't remember feeling like I couldn't be apart from them until I was a senior in high school.  I was awarded a trip to Indianapolis my senior year, and this was the first real time that I would be away from my family on my own.  It was the first time I would fly in a plane, the first time I would be with adults whom I didn't know, and the first time my sister wouldn't be in the room with me on a trip.  I distinctly remember boarding that plane, buckling in, and thinking, "what am I going to do in Indiana without Andrea, Tyler and Timothy?".  While I had a good trip, I was so grateful to be home.  When it came time to apply to colleges, I looked at schools close to home.  I decided on one 19 miles from my family's home to my dorm room.  I scheduled my Friday classes as early as possible, and most weekends I was home by lunchtime on Friday.  Yes, I had a boyfriend, but I really wanted to get back home to my brothers and sister.  I didn't want to miss a wrestling match or soccer game, I wanted to take them to the movies...I just wanted time with them.  The older I grew, the more I realized what a gift it is to have siblings.  When I was married and we moved around, I would countdown to every Thanksgiving break when my sister and brothers would come stay with me.  I would gladly make the 4 hour trips to meet my Daddy half-way to pick up one of my siblings for a week in the summer.  I have albums filled with awesome memories of great times with my fantastic brothers and sister.

The divorce process forces children to grow up a little faster, at least it did for my kids.  And, maybe that force is what has tightened the bond between the two of them at such a young age.  Like every brother-sister relationship, my two argue every now and then, but it is extremely rare and always trivial.  Titus has been away on a 3 day trip with my wonderful parents.  I thought Cecely was going to lose her mind.  She was not at all happy for him to be gone.  We even had a "girl day", but Cecely said it felt wrong to go to the movies without Titus.  I would call Titus at night, and Cecely would talk with him, or hang up and FaceTime with him.  They would laugh and joke until I made them disconnect.  Today, Cecely spent 4 hours of her day helping me clean out closets, go through clothes, and sort toys in her room and Titus' room.  She did this with no complaining at all.  When we were finished she said, "Titus is going to love this.  I can't wait for him to come back home."

I have noticed this bond between them growing over the past 2+ years.  When we travel, they want to sit together and be in the same room.  If one doesn't go to their Dad's house, the other doesn't want to go either.  If we plan something fun, they want to wait until both can participate.  When we watch movies at home, they cuddle up on the couch together with a blanket.  It is the sweetest, most genuine, and most innocent kind of love.  I have spoken with their teachers over the course of the year, and I always am told how much they love each other and look out for each other.  They have no problem standing up for one another.  They are wired very differently and are on opposite ends of the academic spectrum, but they encourage the other to do their best, and they help one another.  It's just incredible to watch.  I feel confident that eventually, sans divorce, they would have come to this place as they matured.  But, given the craziness of their lives and all of the change they have had to endure, the constant in their lives have been each other.  It is such a blessing to behold.  I pray that God will continue to strengthen that bond and that He will protect their special relationship.  In spite of a terrible and emotionally exhausting divorce, I am so thankful that God has brought a beautiful relationship between Cecely and Titus.  I am so glad He sees what I can't.

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