Tuesday, December 13, 2016

That Newlywed Feeling

There are several reasons why God designed marriage the way He did in the Bible.  His perfect plan unites husband and wife for as long as they both shall live.  However, we are broken people.  We are selfish, we struggle, we get bored, we covet, we wish for something different.  Marriages end at an alarming rate; and, I have yet to hear of a divorce process that was a happy experience.                                                                                                                                                      When divorce pebble hits the smooth pond of life, the ripples of consequences go on and on.  When a family is torn apart, there is so much loss.  There is loss of intimacy between two people.  There is loss of trust.  There is the fight to find hope again.  Relationships within the once combined family crumble.  Nieces, nephews, in-laws all are split apart.  Friends choose sides.  Circles are broken.  

If kiddos are involved, the differences are daunting.  Who has the kids when becomes a scheduling nightmare.  Kiddos are crying as they try to adjust to living in two homes from being in one.  They have a set of toys at each home.  They are trying to remember book bags and homework as they bounce from house to house.  Clothes are left at one house.  That favorite stuffed animal needed to sleep becomes one hundred times more important.

Day to day routines change drastically.  After a day working, there is no one to talk it out with.  If your head hurts, there is no one to take on the kiddos activities.  Cooking for four adapts to cooking for one on lonely days.  TV shows, movies, bands, and songs that once were "yours" become memories that bring tears and nausea.  Sunday mornings in church that once filled the heart with peace become battles of sitting alone unable to process a word being said from the stage.  Seeing families together morphs into fits of sadness and jealousy.  Everything changes.

When the separation and divorce process began in my life, I was overwhelmed to say the least.  In the practical end of life, I could not keep my head above water.  I hated being in the home that we thought was our dream home.  Every dish, every piece of furniture, every photo held a memory, a story.  Two realizations hit me hard--when I finally understood the divorce was really happening and there was no chance of reconciliation, and when I knew my children and I were on the verge of being evicted.  Once those two realities settled in my mind, I purged like crazy.  When my babies and I moved from our big house to our little apartment, I left most of the furnishings for their dad, and I consigned anything I could.  We used that money to go buy new dishes for us.  The decorations around the apartment were made by the kiddos in my life.  The furniture became a collection of hand-me-downs.  When I met my wonderful fella, Brian, and the two of us were married, we joked that we lived in a dorm room decorated by children and furnished by relatives who had passed.

Getting married for a second time is awesome.  I feel truly blessed and honored that God allowed me another shot at being a wife.  When Brian and I got married, my kiddos and I moved in with he and his daughter.  We had most of our lives packed in boxes and brought some odds and ends with us.  Brian and I had an amazing honeymoon.  Then, we zoomed back into the real world--jobs, children, learning how to live with a different man/woman, figuring out what step-parenting looks like, and processing what we wanted this second chance at marriage would look like.  The "honeymoon phase" was short-lived and the newlywed bliss wasn't really relevant.

Because God has been so good to us and continues to bless us and work in our lives, we are on the brink of moving into a new-to-us-home!  We are so excited!  I believe this will be an emotional, physical and spiritual boost for each member of our home and for our marriage!  This past week, we have been planning and shopping for our new house.  This house will be where we get to make OUR memories, and the ghosts of the past will remain in their appropriate places.  This is a home that will be closer to family and friends.  This will be a house where we get to really start a new chapter.  I told Brian the other day, that I finally was feeling that newlywed feeling!  What a sweet reality!!!

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